Lying Ass

DISCLAIMER; Today's background playlist is "Blaiz Fayah ft Tribal Kush - Bad"

My appearance was so taxing to my friends; I had not seen them for some weeks now. Derrick was buzzing my phone after every minute, but I had the exact clue what he wanted.

Traffic was hectic, the uncontrollable can be depressing, considering it’s a Friday night. I kept looking outside the car window like a conductor.

“piiiiii”

“piiiiii”

“piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…”

Me; “will these idiots just move for heaven’s sake”

I kept bashing my car door.

Ring ring ring…

Me; “Derrick iza man”

Derrick; “Shawn, aki ya nani wewe ni nugu. Uko wapi?

Me; ndo nmetoka Thika Road, nko hapa bypass nakam”

Derrick; harakisha bac. Nko na mali safi nmekuekea.

That was enough motivation to have me on my nerves about this traffic. The bachelor in me was dying to see this “mali safi”. I had all sorts of imaginations of what I was going to meet. The reason for our meet up was to celebrate my new job. I had landed a new job with a top NGO in the city, but the job involved me to move up and about and this was the only weekend I was available.

 

 

After shouting and hooting for some time in the traffic (I’m just trying to hurry up to the “mali safi” part, we all know how traffic is), I was looking for a parking spot outside the club.

I have to give it to the DJ, the dance floor was so crowded. I wonder how many asses I can grab in there. Booty to the left, booty to the right.

Derrick; Shawn tuko hapa…

I tried to navigate my eyes to where Derrick’s voice was coming from. Three empty bottles on each guy’s side, that should tell you how long the traffic was. Confession, do not hold me into account of anything that I say from here, whether clean or vulgar, I just can’t lie.

Two men, three ladies in one table and an empty chair. Obviously the empty chair was mine. Scrap the men.

Me; Hey, I’m Shawn…

Lady number one, name Rose. She was tall than any one on the table. She wore a blue mini dress with a cleavage bigger than 50” screen in a bed sitter and a tattoo on one breast. Her beauty, 8/10. She was attractive to the eyes.

Lady number two, name Ivy. A very cliquish behavior that is very loud. The number of times she ignored Derrick’s persistent small talks was evidence enough. I bet she stays with mum and sneaked out to be here. A black jumpsuit and a pearl necklace on her neck introduced her. Average boobs and small ass. Me, ass over boobs any day. Rating, 2/10.

Lady number three, name Bilha. Average height, always smiling and too friendly. Just too friendly. Must be the alcohol. Short and thick. Average boobs and big ass, and I mean big ass. The kind of ass you jump to fit in the denim jeans. And yes she was in white top and denim trousers. Ratings, 11/10.

I wasn’t going to wait for Derrick to show me my mali safi cause Bilha’s ass was definitely calling me. Lucky enough, the empty chair was next to her.

Me; Waiter… Pilsner tatu.

Waiter; nine soo boss…

I wanted to know more about Bilha. By more I mean physically.

Two bottles down the throat and some meaningless conversation, we were all laughing hysterically. She was even lying on my chest and touching my beards. You hear that Carol, I grew beards you ungrateful bitch (I’ll tell you about Carol one day, I promise you).

Bilha; twende tukadance…

I know I got two left feet, but that ass, I can dance all night.

Me; sawa, ntakupata kwa floor, lemme visit the men”s room.

In real sense I just wanted to see the booty bounce as she walked. My dingalingaling was celebrating with high blood pumps. Let’s be clear, I wanted some piece of that ass on my groin, but I ha d to exhibit some confidence and calmness not to display my hunger for it.

Simple moves that I had learned from Tiktok clips were enough to sooth her. A drop of dancehall music and she faced away from me and landed her ass on my pelvis. Wooooo-hoooo, that’s my song, my dingalingaling screamed in my pants. Someone high five the DJ for me.

Something was different, as a master of bootys, I could tell. She twerked, wiggled, jiggled and whined on my pelvis but my dick got smaller with every move. I have to touch it to know what’s wrong. I slowly placed my palms on the ass.

I have studied ass for the past two years and this is not real ass. Suddenly they were not even. Faced down to look and one was lower than the other. She was wearing booty pads. She used me.

Me; I am tired lemme go sit down.

She smiled at me as I left. I felt cheated and used. Ass lied to me. Me a master in this class. The rest of the night felt long and boring. I vowed myself to never ever pick a lady or trust my friends in that matter ever again.

It wouldn't hurt to share....