Ages Alone

DISCLAIMER; Today's background playlist is "Kina ft Snow - Get you the Moon"

Man I miss you like hell. The memories I have of us have been endless. Wish everything turned out as we had planned 40 years ago. Hope the heavens are as you wanted them to be. Life really fumbled to lose you. Today would be your 40th birthday. The ambience of our favourite picnic site still lingers in me. Eve has been doing okay with her grandma’. She has grown to call me uncle. She is a clear reflection of your appearance. She resembles everything about your character and physical attributes.

Life has not been kind to me. Maybe I’m life’s example of a bad fruit that never ripens. My mom followed you years later. She struggled with cancer for the longest time. Her death may have crashed me but I am relieved she can finally end the suffering. Say hae to her for me. My dad was there for us after her demise.

He did remarry three years later to a single mom of one daughter. We finally had a sister in our life. But I don’t think I want to see that man again in my entire life with his so called new family. Yeah!! Things never turned out as I had hoped for. Eight months into the new life my so called “new sister” accused me of rape. It was a shocker to me. We never clicked since day one. We had quarrels every now and then. No one wanted to listen to my side of the story. She had everything all planned out. My own dad was the one who called the police on me.

I was locked in cell for years always appearing in public for my court proceedings. Me against my own family. After two years of court hearings, I was wrongfully sentenced to ten years in prison. My life was over. My friends cut me off my school disassociated with me. It was until five years in prison that she later confessed the truth. Apparently she had been having sex with her boyfriend and never wanted her mom to find out, so she accused me. Did my dad try to apologize to me? Ooh yes he did. I couldn’t hear any of it. The one person who knew me all my life was the one person who broke me. Its true love blinds you.

My life took a downfall after that. He tried getting me back to school but the institution couldn’t take me back. My friends wanted nothing to me. Jail life was hell on earth. Missing meals, beatings I received, married off to a man and sodomised every week. Ended up losing twenty kilograms from the terror. The world I once knew was no more. Got depressed and enrolled in therapy and was prescribed antidepressants but that did nothing to me. I would lock myself in my own room. Trying to get a job with no papers, no experience and jail term in your life is a big hustle.

I moved out of my home town and finally landed a job in a car wash. I married my first wife months later. She worked as a bartender when I got to know her. That never lasted long. One night I was roughed up and beaten to near death as I was coming out of work by some men claiming that my wife owed them a huge amount of cash. On her side hustle, she was a prostitute serving her cookie to every Tom Dick and Harry who would pay up for it. She had robbed one of her clients on her escapades. I got hospitalized in the ICU for some few weeks and lost my job for lack of appearance. My boss couldn’t hear any of my pleads.

Broke it off with her and moved out. Tried landing jobs but a skinny guy is just a liability in these streets but I pushed on. I was hired as a night security guy in a law firm. Two months into the job I was accused of theft and as punishment I was deducted half my wages. I couldn’t pay up my rent and got kicked out of my house. The landlord handed me no property belonging to me. He claimed it would cover up my rent arrears.

It felt like I opened Pandora’s box. Suicide was really an option at this time. I would sleep on street benches during the day and go to work at night. It didn’t take my boss a long time to notice my dirty linen at work and he had to let me go for having a bad image of the firm. No job to report to, no home to go to, no one to talk to and nothing to call my own.

I started drinking on daily basis from left overs bottles. I would sleep in brothels as long as I walked out when a client was in the vicinity. All I wanted was to drown in my struggle’s demise. I couldn’t take any more. I would breakdown in the middle of the street but who would help a drunkard in tattered clothing? I tried sobering up and find a job after sometime and lucky enough I was hired in those open downtown hotels.

This is where I met my second wife. She welcomed me to her house and I would sleep on the couch for the past few weeks. We later got a baby boy and named him Logan. I had to work double shifts for my wife and son. Few months into my juggling of jobs I went back into my drinking spree. This was my escape route. My place of solitude after stress hit me. I would come home drunk all loud and shouting all sorts of wrong names. My wife kicked me out and I was back in the streets again. She wanted nothing to do to me. I couldn’t blame her, having a drunken man who brings nothing home and always battled her.

I went back to my drinking buddies. They would always welcome me back with a warm hug. Bad habits always create the best connections and bad decisions always got the best stories. Five months into the spree I met my dad in one of the brothels. So ashamed, he pretended to be my old friend and bought a round of brews for me and my crew. I must have passed out coz the next thing I remember was opening my eyes in my old room.

We had a long conversation that day that ended up me being enrolled into rehab the following day. I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did to me. I blame him for my life’s turnout. I met Eve’s grandma last week. We had a talk and I promised to come check up on Eve. I don’t think life will ever smile on me. The icing on the cake is that I have stage three liver cancer, it doesn’t even bother me. What more can life throw at me? Just look at me, I am a failure.

It wouldn't hurt to share...