My Next Love

 

DISCLAIMER; Today's background playlist is "Sara Lugo ft Protoje - Really Like You"

To my next love, hey my name is Shawn.

It scares me by the fact that I don’t know whether I have met you or not. If I have, you already know a thing or two about me. I don’t have much experience when it comes to relationship, but I will want to risk it with you. I have fallen over and over yet somehow I get back into love even when I say I’m not doing it again. I don’t know the feeling of leaving someone for all my past loves have left me. I sit back every time after a relationship ends to evaluate my mistakes. I have blamed myself for all of them even when my heart feels some were not my faults. Overtime I have come to accept that I have flaws I need to work on, but I am an expert in receiving heartbreaks, yet I give everyone who hurts me a million chances to correct themselves. I have forgiven people who were never even sorry for things they have done.

I am an ambivert but more of an introvert than an extrovert. I love indoor parties to clubbing, though sometimes the light in clubs entice me. I love night life, from the street lights to the bright sky as I stare into the moon and stars. I love walks, in whatever time of the day for it is my meditation time. I love games anything to enjoy my short fun life. I have been told I am weird probably why I have few friends. I don’t know how to make one so forgive me if I keep wanting to hang out with you all the time. I hope you don’t find me clingy.

I have been told I am a hopeless romantic guy, but I tend to believe I just get in love with love. I have these ideas of us in the future, for I have imagined it a thousand times. You can call it the harmful bit of wishful thinking, but I hope I never get to heal from it. I’m sorry, if you find me weird but I just hate the restaurant kind of first date formalities. I’d rather go on a hike or climb the mountains to the top. I’ll get to ask all my questions as we both enjoy the sceneries of our path and each other beautiful faces. Let’s go to art galleries and museums and have our hearts jump to the work of somebody else as God did His on you. We can also go cart riding, have the goosebumps to the thrill of high speeds and we can get to know each other’s fears.

I’m an over-thinker and a paranoid, so don’t tell to relax or I’m overreacting. I’ve calculated almost all my relationships ending and I saw them coming from afar, but that did not hinder me from wanting them to work out. I have no regret for my past relationships for each taught me to be who I am today and know what I want for myself. I have imagined all possible cases of my problems happening before they even do, probably why all my friends come to me for solutions to their problems.

Acts of service is my love language. Allow me to do small things for you even if you find them useless, to me they mean the world. I’ll touch your skin more often for I love the rise of hair and feeling goosebumps forming as I kiss your neck. I love massages, I have watched more than a hundred massage videos online. I love the flow of the contours of the body from the valleys in your stomach and thighs to the hills on your boobs and lips. If you find me always telling you to lie down with a bottle of castor oil in my wrist, just get naked and wait for my hands to caress every part of your skin.

I believe you are the most beautiful person I have seen. I don’t want to get satisfied by your sight like my stomach does to my favorite dish. I want to stare at you every day and feel like it’s the first time every moment. I want to stand by you through all. I may not be able to solve all your problems but I will love you through them all. I have insecurities for I know I am a jealous person. I hope your love for me will stop me from questioning every doubt I have in you, cause it’s in you I want to put all my trust whether you are next to me or far.

 I am full of flaws and probably why I have always been left. I hope you get to notice them earlier so I can work on them to better our future. I want to know everything about you. From how your day was to the extra fare you paid as you got home. I want to learn your fantasies and astrology things I don’t know. I want to hear about every conspiracy you know about that you find intriguing to you. That will keep us all night talking about it. I want hold long video calls with you because I still want to stare at your face even when you are far.

I sometimes overdo things; I hope you find this charming. You accepting me is a big green flag for me. I have a big American nose; I keep telling myself that’s the origin of my big heart. I believe everybody deserves second chances and maybe that’s why I get heartbroken over and over. I pray for my exes to find better lives and spouses for them to love them like I love you. I pray for people I have never met because pain has been a big part of my life and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody else. I hope my love for you doesn’t cloud my judgement that I forget to love myself. I hope you love yourself more than you love me but don’t mistake that for me looking for perfection.

My hobbies include creating happy stories in my head that make me smile all day like a drug addict, snoozing alarms in the morning until I wake up just before the last one rings, trying to create secret languages that me and you can communicate in public without revealing what we are talking about to our friends. I also love the sense of learning new skills. I have a passion for baking yet I have no clue of how to make the first ingredient in cake baking. I do go online to view videos of how some dishes are made for sometimes the urge to cook a nice meal often hits me. I take my time in cooking so if you get hungry you’ll have to bear with me until I am through in the kitchen.

I hope one day I get to live this fairytale I have about us. Sit next to you and scream to the world that penguins in the southern hemisphere get to know you are mine. I have learnt to be patient, so if I get to meet you in my late 40’s I’ll wait. I don’t want a half love kind of relationship that’s why I am willing to wait for you for as long as I can wait. I hope I get to kiss you in the rain and at sunrise. I want you to welcome me into your life of weirdness and awkwardness like I will do you to mine. I hope we get to find each other’s hidden talents that we may be able to help each other better ourself.

Forgive me if I click in every small argument we have cause it’s a toxic behavior I have learnt I have and I’m currently working on it. I hope you understand it’s us verses the problem and not me verses you. I am not where I want to be because I want to be so in love with you right now. If wishes were true beggars would not ride horses but I would have you before I even knew myself. I am learning to live a little and stopping to worry about when I get to hold you in my arms. I hope to make the most of it before our time comes.

I hope you love me just as I love you.

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