Credit Please

I don't think men are given enough credit for not cheating, I mean, it is very hard not to cheat in Nairobi. Take it from me, or this is my story, a while back, on a friday evening, me and my fiance are getting ready for bed. Out of the blue Ken calls. He wanted us to celebrate his promotion. One look at the wife and I know, she is not leaving this bed. So I politely decline the offer. Now this is what happens when you decline a close friends offer, he will start to remind you of the crap you've been through and the many times you borrowed Ksh.20 to go to mama kibandasky and how you have not been around. Basically, it's just easier to say yes. He confirms that the whole crew is going to be there, so yes, its going to be lit!
In campus, there are the friends you make, they become brothers and you form a small community among yourselves. After graduation you move on, finding your better halves and allowing them into your community. After a few years, you all get kids and its now a village. Ken was part of my community, along with 4 more fellas who you will get to know later in the story.
So we already know its going to be a drinking night so none of us will be driving. We agree to all meet at the famous meat joint along Thika road, Kamakis, for some choma then figure it out from there. You see, now in every group, there's always that guy who has a commitment phobia, the single guy in the group, he's the one who's always asking "nikuje na madame". Now usually, the answer to this question is no, the wives are always around when we do things like this, but tonight was different, and we dared to say yes, mostly because of curiosity. We have never said yes before and we were curious what kind of girls he would bring our way.
So we are at Kamakis, awaiting another ken, the one who's allegedly bringing girls out of our leagues as we down about 3kgs of fat to clog our hearts later on. Ken enters the driveway with four girls by his side, ear to ear grin and a cheeky look. The girls were as advertised, young and stupid just how we like them, or so I hear. We eat then head off to a club to do the actual celebrating.
Now, as a man, you get to an age where, midnight means you should be fast asleep and one in the morning you should be trying to rock a baby to sleep. It was midnight and after a couple of drinks, I wanted to go home, I missed my wife and my kid. Yes, it sounds stupid, but I actually did. So I try to wave at the guys bye but they will not have it, instead one of them even adds four shots that they psych me up to down! Now lets get one thing clear, I am not a light weight, but after a couple of beers, two shots will have you singing the national anthem backwards.
Now back to my earlier hypothesis, men don't get enough credit for not cheating. It's late in a club, I am way past drunk and holding on to reality by my pinky finger. One of the girls sits next to me and starts chatting me up. To be honest, I have no idea of what she was saying to this day. The next thing that I do clearly remember was being taken up to a room and told to sleep there. I fell on the bed, and halfway plotting on what to tell my future wife, this would bite me in the ass hard. Now I know I have done nothing wrong, but will she believe me? So instead of all the drama and yelling, I decide to just say I spent the night at Ken's, makes sense, easy, and Ken got my back, what could go wrong? So I sleep.
A couple of minutes later, could have been hours, I couldn't quite have a good grip on time. I feel my belt being undone, then my shirt unbuttoned. In my head, am at home and my girl is trying to get frisky in the middle of the night, so I cooperate, untill I open my eyes and notice the lights are on and this is not my bedroom, this is not even my bed! Looking up, one of Ken's girls was jumping into the sheets naked!
Now women! Please understand this, we are weak, we see a naked woman and voila, the deed is done. If we are drunk, she does not even need to be naked. Now I'm drunk and she is naked but still all I see is the big mistake am about to do, all I see is the hurt this will cause my family. I run to the bathroom, more of stagger actually and take out my phone. I call home, her voice is all I needed to hear, for a moment I was sober, called an uber and ran out of the room.
A few minutes later am home, I struggle to open the gate and rum into the Axela parked out front. I burge into the house and look at my pretty wife as she breastfeeds little Sam. She's irritated, obviously, you try being woken up to give away your boobs, then tell me how it feels. On top of that a drunk staggers in and tries to kiss you. Women have a lot to deal with, true. So she puts the baby back to his crib and I can see the wrath in her eyes. She is so mad and furious that I can see her pretty face turning red. For me, all I saw was the girl I want to spend my life with, the mother to my child and my best friend. I just stood there smiling like a crazy idiot. She came up to me, and shoved me aside. I wanted to yell, but I was now admiring her butt, oh! I loved this woman. "Kelvin!" She yelled, "yes babyyyyyy" drunk talk, "where are your pants!" Oh no.




It wouldn't hurt to share...