I'm Heavier than I Look, Sometimes

I was awakened from my deep slumber by a text message. I thought it was my service provider reminding me again how broke I am. But this time it was a different case. I had received some funds in my mobile from unknown source. At first I thought it was a prank from those silly people who try and deceive people of sending money wrongly. So I decided to recharge my credit to affirm whether it was true.
20.00 KSH has been deducted to repay yo…
I didn’t bother myself to finish the text. I already got my affirmation and my day dreams were far gone. It was now time to build castles in the air on what to do with it. Before I could decide on what to buy, I put my sandals on and ran to the nearest M-pesa. I withdrew the money fast enough just incase the owner decided to call and ask for his/her money back. As soon as I was handed the money, I switched off my phone. “I want no disturbance today” I said to myself.
I had not taken breakfast that morning. So I passed by my usual restaurant and asked for a cup of tea. This time I was sure I could afford an extra cup, so I decided to call on the waitress to make my order.
“Is there tea?”
“Yes, today we have tea and coffee?”
“Can I have a cup of tea with two mandazis, two smokies, two sausages and two samosas”
She was astonished how I ordered so much at a go unlike my normal days where I ordered one small cup of tea and when I’m lucky it gets accompanied with a chapati. She brought everything after a few minutes. I never wanted to know who saw me eat all I wanted was to fill my stomach. Within a blink of an eye I was done. I paid my bill and I was out. The cashier gave me that look of one who had stolen some money. I had never paid such a bill before in the restaurant.
I decided to have my lunch in town. “Why not treat myself today”. I alighted the vehicle at the nearest stage. When I was in the vehicle, something caught my eye. This woman kept on looking at her phone with a frowny face. Why do old people, to be specific old women, look at their phones it’s as if the phone wronged them? Do you ever notice how their facial expression changes when they start using their phones? Let’s just scrap that off, today is my day.
Soon I was in town. There was one specific hotel that was in my mind all along the way. I’ve been wanting to have a taste of their meal since the first day I passed by its door (which reminds me, you chefs who advertise your foods with tasty pictures on billboards and screens, only to find a different kind of meal once you enter, should be jailed on charges of false misleading information, I’m I right or what?). Once I entered the hotel, I positioned myself at the best seat I could find, took the menu and started analyzing the best meal possible. As soon as I was done, I made my order and the food was brought. I was never in a hurry to jump in, so I took my time to position myself very comfortable at my seat. I digged in my meal with no haste. I took my precious time until I was done. As soon as I was done, I asked for a drink and paid for my meal on my way out.
“Know your height weight” was the sound that caught my attention. Why not know how much I weigh today before I get to dump all I have taken. I paid the guy who had the machine and he told me to step on it.
“Your weight is …



It wouldn’t hurt to share…