I Guess it's True

Lately I’ve been the unluckiest dude ever. Nothing has been going my way. If it does, it won’t last for long. I blame karma on it. She has been messing me up for a long time now. I get to stare at others as they succeed.
The other day I decided to bet on a game only to lose to one game only. Seriously could I not win that game (I’m complaining as if I would have won the jackpot). I think she calls me dear. Only Safaricom calls me that (and why do they call me dear when they need my money. Why not when it comes to mpesa. But we all know you don’t mean it when you call us that name). Someone tell karma to leave me alone. Please karma I don’t want to be with you. I’m not your Alejandro. I don’t want to elope with you Karma. Please don’t give me ultimatums. For once can you help me win something. I promise to share it with you (in my dreams that is).
Could it be that karma has a crash on me? Could it be that she is in love with me? Please no, not this. “Euty marries karma”. What kind of a wedding is that? How will I ever wake up normal? What kind of children would I have? What would I know them? If it ever happens, I think I’ll be drunk all through the relationship. At least when high everything would look different. Alcohol would be my breakfast, lunch and dinner. With alcohol, beauty lies on the eyes of the beer-holder. With alcohol you’d be the most beautiful thing ever.
But I’m totally sober. I don’t want to wake up knowing I made the wrong decision. I don’t want to wake up next to you. I don’t want to wake up to your sight every morning. How do I introduce you to my mama? Even if the wedding would happen, who would agree to be my best man? I don’t think anyone would agree to my invitation. What kind of church would we get married to? I’m not going to ask who will come to your wedding because I think I have a clue on the audience on your side. Me and you on one bed can never happen. How do I introduce you in public? How do I say your name in public?

Dude: Hey, I heard you got married?
Me; Yeah!
Dude; What’s her name?
Me; Karma
Dude; The bitch?

So I have decided to take precautions early enough. I’m suing you Karma. I’m reporting you to mother nature. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be saying no to you and yet you still keep on coming back. Mother nature will deal with you thoroughly. Haha… who is laughing now? You can’t have me anymore. I’m so “Awesome’. The word itself ends even with “me’. And you are ugly, and the word starts with “you” (I bet you didn’t ever realize that). But wait, who will be my lawyer? Mother nature has agreed to be the judge. Who will present my case to her? Who will agree to defend me? Will even Sherlock Holmes agree to investigate my case? Or maybe I should hire Scooby Doo, Shaggy and the crew. I think I’m not as awesome as I thought I was. But at least the word still ends with me. I guess it’s true what they say about you.

Me; Yoh! Cupid, your arrow short the wrong ass.




It wouldn’t hurt to share…

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